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Another open letter to my late husband.

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My dearest Owen.

Oh, how I wish you were still here.

A few weeks ago, my relationship (and subsequent marriage) to Nathaniel broke down completely after just eighteen months when he decided he no longer loved me. He'd already moved on to someone else and, whilst I was in hospital after suffering a mild heart attack, he never once came to see me. He spent all his time shagging his new man instead. I have no idea who it is and I don't think I want to know either.

Why did you never tell me it was him who'd tried it on with you that day whilst you were at work? Caroline would have never played match-maker and put me with him if we'd have known. It turns out he only got with me because he wanted to feel closer to you. We were both in love with you but you never once cheated on me. We were together for fourteen years and had a solid relationship. He took his own life after attacking me whilst high as a kite on drugs. That complete psychopath took all of us for complete and utter mugs and I'm glad he's no longer here to hurt me any more.

On the one-year anniversary of your death, Caroline and Sally were married in a lavish ceremony and I know you were there, watching over us, as the sun was beaming down on us all day. I'd originally been made toastmaster and best man but, knowing that it was exactly one year since you left us, I was hit for six. Painful memories of that fateful day came flooding back so I eventually handed the duties to someone else.

(We also had a tribute playlist in your honour. I know you'd have been proud.)

A few months later, on New Year's Eve last year, they were both involved in a horrific car accident alongside Elisa. Caroline ended up in an induced coma for twelve days, eight of which were deep, and she showed no signs of life for the first few days. She was barely clinging to life and you were talking to her all that time. She is now out of hospital and continuing her recovery at home and, even though she's now paralysed, she is so lucky to be alive and we're all still grateful to you for bringing her back to us.

Our son is now 21-months-old and growing every day. It hasn't been easy adapting to life as a single parent but your mum's been helped me where possible since my second marriage broke down. He took his first steps a few months ago and now we can't shut him up either!

Oh, and Elisa has now found love again, this time with our good friend Rachael. Both their mums have already given them their blessing. I'm hoping they can finally find happiness with each other and I'm sure you'd have been so happy for them too.

I have to close now. I hope you're OK up there. Thank you for showing me what true love actually meant. It'll be a while before I find that again. I still miss you so much. You meant the world to me. I was proud to call you my husband but you were so much more than that. You were also my best friend and my soul mate. It still hurts that you're no longer by my side, I still wear your ring round my neck alongside your ashes, and still I love you.

I hope you're still thinking about me up there like I'm doing down here for you. I still think about you every day, especially around Eurovision time, and I always raise a toast to you every time our act comes on, no matter what position we're in or how crap our song is. I know how much you loved Eurovision and I do it for you.

You're still in my heart forever and always. Don't you ever forget that.

As always, your ever-loving husband.

Ant. xx