Part two of our Eurovision 2013 song review. Enjoy.
IRELAND: After two years of sending talentless (but still rather energetic) twins, Ireland have gone back for the solo artist option. Northern Ireland are represented at Eurovision this year through Ryan Dolan singing for the Republic and, if he patches up his live singing, they may have a chance of doing well. If he doesn't, we won’t be seeing them in the final.
ISRAEL: Israel have gone back to singing in Hebrew and, whilst we don't understand a word of what's being sung, we still like it.
ITALY: A fully-Italian song being sung by a good-looking Italian guy. What's not to like?
LATVIA: Were Trackshittaz unavailable this year? This song is a bit better though... but only just. We can't see Latvia qualifying again though.
LITHUANIA: At last, a song that ISN'T dull and boring! And Andrius is cute as well! Bravo Lithuania!
MALTA: A doctor singing a cute little ditty about someone called Jeremy who works in information technology. We like the song but we fear that Malta won't reach the final this year. We hope we're wrong, though.
MOLDOVA: Where's the cute Colin Farrell lookie-likie when you need him? No qualification for Moldova this year. The song is a bit bland and boring.
MONTENEGRO: Another one who obviously didn’t see Austria last year. Still, at least the song's listenable and isn’t another Euro-Neuro. We still have no idea what the hell that song was about.
NETHERLANDS: This sounds like Lana Del Rey meets Adele but it's still a decent enough song. The Netherlands have been robbed over the years and if a well-known, award-winning and multi-talented Dutch singer can't make the final for them, who can?
NORWAY: Another brilliant song from our Norwegian neighbours and, if us or Germany don't win, we'd like Norway to win again so we can enjoy another trip to Oslo. They should have finished higher than they did last year.
ROMANIA: Like with Croatia and so many countries before it, Romania have also gone for the classical/popera option. We sense disappointment for them this year.
RUSSIA: Russia have opted for a ballady-type song this year and it's a bit boring but it'll still qualify anyway.
SAN MARINO: Valentina’s back – minus her social network. It's also a much better song than the one she sang last year and it might even get somewhere so she's forgiven.
SERBIA: Well done, Serbia, you've clearly sent the sluttiest song of the Eurovision Song Contest 2013!
SLOVENIA: Ooh, an actual dancy-type song that ISN'T a ballad! Nice one Slovenia!
SPAIN: We can do a bit of folk rock and this is another cute little ditty. Not sure what they're singing about though. We don't speak Spanish.
SWEDEN: This year's host nation have sent someone who, for the first time ever, won their second chance round. It's a good song as well and we're going to enjoy seeing it being sung live in Malmö. Sweden probably won't win it twice in a row but they'll definitely come close, possibly even top five again.
SWITZERLAND: The Swiss have sent their Salvation Army who, under EBU rules, have had to change their name and uniform in order to continue their participation in Eurovision. They do have a good song though and we think they may even get into the final this year.
UKRAINE: Sorry, Ukraine, but your song is a bit boring.
UNITED KINGDOM: And, finally, the United Kingdom, who have an absolute stormer of a song this year. We're looking forward to seeing Bonnie Tyler too and she can still sing and hold a note in key, so that's even better. Will London be hosting Eurovision next year though? We highly doubt it, but we're certain Bonnie will do well anyway.
And that's it, all 39 songs have been reviewed! But who will win? Stay tuned...
