You've just seen part one of our Eurovision review, now here's part two. Enjoy.
Italy: MUCH BETTER! They may have changed the song about three times but it's still better than last year's crap jazz song! We're still reeling that poor little Eric Saade came third with a song that was MUCH better than that! Can they go one better and win it this year though? Only time will tell...
Latvia: We much prefer the newer version of this song though we're still not entirely sure why she's doing a bit of random dancing at Riga Airport. Anyone got any idea?
Lithuania: Dull, dull, dull, dull, DULL! NEXT!
Malta: Catchy tune but he's no Fabrizio Faniello so we sense there may be disappointment for the tiny little Mediterranean island yet again.
Moldova: Is this Colin Farrell on a bad day? Still, this song is a million times better than last year's shout-fest, so we can probably forgive him for that!
Montenegro: What, in the name of absolute hell, is THIS?! It's probably the worst song of the lot this year! Was there any point in them even coming back?! Come back, Poland, all is forgiven!
Netherlands: If there's any justice, this song WILL make it into the final! We'll forgive you for sending Jedward again, people of Europe and beyond, if you send Joan Franka to the final! Poor Holland haven't been there for eight years and, even though Joan wears a rather ridiculous Indian outfit, it's a brilliant song!
Norway: Speaking of Eric Saade, he's back, only this time in Norwegian form! Hope our Norwegian neighbours make it though - we're still shocking that Stella Mwangi was robbed last year!
Portugal: This is SO much better than their crap X Factor rejects from last year! What on EARTH were they all about anyway?!
Romania: Very tap-a-longa! And in about four different languages too! LOVE IT!
Russia: We're guessing Russia don't want to win Eurovision again any time soon (see also Ireland)?! Sorry, grannies, but your song IS a bit naff! It'll probably still qualify though - when was the last time Europe/the juries let Mother Russia down?!
San Marino: Well done for getting the word 'cyber-sex' past the censors. Commiserations on everything else. See you in the semis.
Serbia: OOH! A cute Serbian that isn't a tennis player! Good song too!
Slovakia: Did someone lose the memo that Lordi were a one-off and that heavy metal fans don't really watch Eurovision? Still, we like this in a weird sort-of way and, if the dude actually cuts his hair, he MIGHT be a bit of a cutie, so it's not all bad!
Slovenia: What's with the weird head-dress things? Nice song though.
Spain: This one's a cracker and we LOVE IT! Possibly one of our top five this year - and neither of us speaks Spanish! VAMOS PASTORA!
Sweden: EUPHORINESS FRÅN SVERIGE! ÄLSKER DET! (Stockholm 2013, anyone?!)
Switzerland: "Sweem against zee strim folloween your wowdizt drim?" More like the worst ever pronunciation of English we've ever heard! Where's the fit bass player from last year when you need him?!
Turkey: Sorry, Can, but you look and sound like a total dog. No offence.
Ukraine: At least the Ukraine didn't cheat again this year but, sadly for them, the song is rather repetitive (like Greece) and just a little bit dreadful!
United Kingdom: And, finally, the United Kingdom. Whilst we like the song, we can't help but think that, yet again, they won't do so well - not whilst the Hump has to sing from first place in the final, anyway. Still, he'll be first to the backstage bar, so that's a bonus!
AND THAT'S THE WRAP!
A & O. xx
